The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Mind

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of attraction, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in urban locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your find vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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